Quote of the Day

They used dogs. They used probes. They used cardio plate crossoffs. They used teepers. They used bribery. They used stick tites. They used intimidation. They used torment. They used torture. They used finks. They used cops. They used search and seizure. They used fallaron. They used betterment incentives. They used finger prints. They used the bertillion system. They used cunning. They used guile. They used treachery. They used Raoul-Mitgong but he wasn't much help. They used applied physics. They used techniques of criminology. And what the hell, they caught him.
-- Harlan Ellison, "Repent, Harlequin, said the Tick-Tock Man"

Quote of the Day

In these matters the only certainty is that there is nothing certain.
-- Pliny the Elder

Quote of the Day

I was in ROTC in college. One day the commander came up to me and said, "Emo, I haven't seen you in camouflage class in six weeks." I replied, "I'm getting good, aren't I?"
-- Emo Philips

Quote of the Day

The less I know about other people's affairs, the happier I am. I'm not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.
-- Ron Swanson

Quote of the Day

Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the persons house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of it's head with a note that says "You." After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.
-- Jack Handey

Quote of the Day

There comes a time in the affairs of a man when he has to take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
-- W. C. Fields

Quote of the Day

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
-- Mark Twain

Quote of the Day

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
-- George Carlin

Quote of the Day

I'm not a bad guy. I work hard and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?
-- Homer J. Simpson

Quote of the Day

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
-- Frank Zappa