Quote of the Day

Man usually avoids attributing cleverness to somebody else -- unless it is an enemy.
-- Albert Einstein

Quote of the Day

I have a hernia. I've had it for a while. And I've been ignoring it... successfully, but this morning, I made the mistake of sneezing. But as long as I sit still and don't move my head, or torso, I'm good. I got this.
-- Ron Swanson

Quote of the Day

Tragedy is when I cut my finger, comedy is when I walk into an open sewer and die.
-- Mel Brooks

Quote of the Day

Don't mess with the volcano my man, 'cause I will go Pompeii on your... butt.
-- Mr. Furious

Quote of the Day

If knowledge can create problems, it is not through ignorance that we can solve them.
-- Isaac Asimov

Quote of the Day

Gravity is a habit that is hard to shake off.
-- Terry Pratchett (Small Gods)

Quote of the Day

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.
-- Demetri Martin

Quote of the Day

Capital punishment turns the state into a murderer. But imprisonment turns the state into a gay dungeon-master.
-- Emo Philips

Quote of the Day

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
-- Mark Twain

Quote of the Day

When a nice clean brain tumbles into the dirty street to lay among the discarded wrappers and spat-out gum wads of wickedness, you can't just pick it up and wash it off with soap and water; you have to think it clean from the inside out!
-- The Tick