Quote of the Day

The enemy is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on.
-- Joseph Heller

Quote of the Day

Once I got poison ivy on my brain and the only way I could scratch it was to think about sandpaper.
-- Stephen Wright

Quote of the Day

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
-- Johnny Carson

Quote of the Day

The only function of economic forecasting is to make astrology look respectable.
-- John Kenneth Galbraith

Quote of the Day

My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a 15 year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims, like he invented the question mark. Sometimes, he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy - the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical: summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring, we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds. Pretty standard, really.
-- Dr. Evil

Quote of the Day

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
-- Groucho Marx

Quote of the Day

Now, like all great plans, my strategy is so simple an idiot could have devised it. On my command all ships will line up and file directly into the alien death cannons, clogging them with wreckage.
-- Captain Zapp Brannigan

Quote of the Day

When belief in a god dies, the god dies.
-- Harlan Ellison (Deathbird Stories)

Quote of the Day

I like having the capitol of the United States in Washington, D.C., in spite of recent efforts to move it to Lynchburg, Virginia
-- Frank Zappa

Quote of the Day

His power lies apparently in his ability to choose incompetent enemies.
-- Crow T. Robot