Quote of the Day

As long as people are still having premartial sex with many anonymous partners while at the same time experimenting with mind-expanding drugs in a consequence-free environment, I'll be sound as a pound!
-- Austin Powers

Quote of the Day

I had no shoes and I pitied myself. Then I met a man who had no feet, so I took his shoes.
-- Dave Barry

Quote of the Day

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.
-- Dave Barry

Quote of the Day

The only function of economic forecasting is to make astrology look respectable.
-- John Kenneth Galbraith

Quote of the Day

All right, who did this? I'm not mad, I just want to know who did it so I can punish them.
-- Dwight Kurt Schrute III

Quote of the Day

Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way. Unless it's a fatal mistake, which, at least, others can learn from.
-- Al Franken

Quote of the Day

I can still recall old Mister Barnslow getting out every morning and nailing a fresh load of tadpoles to the old board of his. Then he'd spin it round and round, like a wheel of fortune, and no matter where it stopped he'd yell out, "Tadpoles! Tadpoles is a winner!" We all thought he was crazy. But then we had some growing up to do.
-- Jack Handey

Quote of the Day

I've pretty much given up on Michael doing the right thing, or the decent thing, or even the comprehensible thing.
-- Dwight Kurt Schrute III

Quote of the Day

The key to burning an ex-wife effigy is to dip it in paraffin wax and then toss the flaming bottle of isopropyl alcohol from a safe distance. Do not stand too close when you light an ex-wife effigy.
-- Ron Swanson

Quote of the Day

God's given me a gift. I shovel well. I shovel very well.
-- The Shoveler