Please help

Another one from the archives...

Subject: Please help

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am Mr Dick Cheney a special adviser on Petroleum and economic matters to the Head of State of The United States of America. Because of my strategic position in the former Government, and also being a close confidant of the Head of State, I was able to acquire personally, the Sum of $25,000,000,000.00USD (twenty-five billion United States Dollars) presently lodged in some offshore sham bank owned by his brother Neil.

I made this money largely through "CONSULTANCY FEE" And "Good Faith Fees" paid by the stupid chimp out of the public treasury, it really didn't matter what I wrote on the invoice. I especially loved writing out the "Good Faith" bills. The little monkey would say "this is for Jeezus, right Unka Dick?" and I'd say "yes Dubya, its kinda like a 'free will offering'. LOL. Texas is the 6th largest Producer/Exporter of Crude Petroleum in the world and The Largest Producer/Exporter of fucking morons.

As you are probably aware The United States of America is prone to Political/Economic Instability, HyperInflation, among other problems. I know, things were pretty cool here for the last ten years or so but with this dipshit at the wheel I'm thinking its time to git while the gittin's good. I have therefore resolved to Invest my money abroad, preferably in Real Estate Properties and Sex Toys for safety and optimum returns on Investments.

However, straight transfer of this money into a bank Abroad will present two major problems:

1. The tax incidence will be too high, even with the idiotic tax cut the chimp managed to get through our congress the taxes are too much. My mama didn't raise no fool. I've never paid taxes and I ain't about to start now.

2. This could look really, really bad.

So as a result of my personal greed, which borders on the psychopathic, I've had to find another plan. The solution is to Courier this money in cash abroad, through Courier Service Company here in the USA, the money will be packed in A Diplomatic Bag or Carton tagged Diplomatic luggage which will be addressed to you. This system is secret and the money is therefore untraceable. It is the System used by most top Government officials in the USA to remove their fortunes to safety abroad.

I have therefore concluded every arrangement with a Courier Company in Wyoming to Courier this money abroad using the courtesy and safety of Diplomatic Bag (TM). All I now need is an honest partner who can receive the money on my behalf and help me to invest as aforementioned.

There is absolutely no risk involved in this transaction as the money will be delivered to you in United States Dollars Bills. Try not to throw your back out dude.

If you are interested in assisting me, please send me an email immediately, as you are to lodge this money in a bank Account and contact me for necessary arrangements for the investment after acknowledgement of the receipt of the money.

For your help and assistance in this deal, you will receive 30% of this money in cash, 10% will be set aside to offset all expenses while the remaining 60% is for me.

Finally, you are to please urgently email your personal phone and fax numbers for an easy communication and for me to instruct the Courier Company to dispatch the money to you before we go into other necessary details.

Expecting to hear from you.

Best regards,

Dick Cheney