Quote of the Day

The language and concepts contained herein are guaranteed not to cause eternal torment in the place where the guy with the horns and pointed stick conducts his business.
-- Frank Zappa

Quote of the Day

After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say "I want to see the manager."
-- William S. Burroughs

Quote of the Day

A man is as old as the woman he feels.
-- Groucho Marx

Quote of the Day

Physicists like to think that all you have to do is say, these are the conditions, now what happens next?
-- Richard P. Feynman

Quote of the Day

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug.
-- Mark Twain

Quote of the Day

A composer is a guy who goes around forcing his will on unsuspecting air molecules,often with the assistence of unsuspecting musicians.
-- Frank Zappa

Quote of the Day

Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for Daddys, and kids with fake IDs.
-- Homer J. Simpson

Quote of the Day

Go not to the elves for counsel, for they will say both no and yes.
-- J.R.R. Tolkien

Quote of the Day

Warning: George Michael STILL wants your sex. He never rescinded the order! Stay vigilant.
-- Bill Corbett

Quote of the Day

Platitude: an idea (a) that is admitted to be true by everyone, and (b) that is not true.
-- H.L. Mencken

Quote of the Day

Empire had the better ending. I mean, Luke gets his hand cut off, finds out Vader's his father, Han gets frozen and taken away by Boba Fett. It ends on such a down note. I mean, that's what life is, a series of down endings. All Jedi had was a bunch of Muppets.
-- Dante Hicks

Quote of the Day

I'm just a normal guy who enjoys revenge.
-- Dwight Kurt Schrute III

Quote of the Day

I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, save me, Superman!
-- Homer J. Simpson

Quote of the Day

This perpetual motion machine she made is a joke: It just keeps going faster and faster. Lisa, get in here! In this house, we obey the laws of THERMODYNAMICS!
-- Homer J. Simpson

Quote of the Day

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
-- W. C. Fields

Quote of the Day

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
-- Terry Pratchett

Quote of the Day

History began on July 4, 1776. Everything that happened before that was a mistake.
-- Ron Swanson

Quote of the Day

There are only three ways to motivate people: money, fear, and hunger.
-- Ron Swanson

Quote of the Day

Cannibals prefer those who have no spines.
-- Stanislaw Lem

Quote of the Day

We do not know what we want and yet we are responsible for what we are - that is the fact.
-- Jean-Paul Sartre

Quote of the Day

Once I posed naked for a magazine. But it was very demeaning, and I've never been back to that newsstand.
-- Emo Philips

Quote of the Day

The Constitution gives every American the inalienable right to make a damn fool of himself.
-- John Ciardi

Quote of the Day

Words are the litmus paper of the minds. If you find yourself in the power of someone who will use the word "commence" in cold blood, go somewhere else very quickly. But if they say "Enter", don't stop to pack.
-- Terry Pratchett (Small Gods)

Quote of the Day

I do not suppose I shall be remembered for anything. But I don't think about my work in those terms. It is just as vulgar to work for the sake of posterity as to work for the sake of money.
-- Orson Welles

Quote of the Day

It has never mattered to me that thirty million people might think I'm wrong. The number of people who thought Hitler was right did not make him right... Why do you necessarily have to be wrong just because a few million people think you are?
-- Frank Zappa

Quote of the Day

We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25 or 30 little scuzzball countries like Scotland that we could vaporize in seconds if we felt like it.
-- Dave Barry

Quote of the Day

I believe that a scientist looking at nonscientific problems is just as dumb as the next guy.
-- Richard P. Feynman

Quote of the Day

Too bad when I was a kid there wasn't a guy in our class that everybody called the "Cricket Boy", because I would have liked to stand up in class and tell everybody, "You can make fun of the Cricket Boy if you want to, but to me he's just like everybody else." Then everybody would leave the Cricket Boy alone, and I'd invite him over to spend the night at my house, but after about five minutes of that loud chirping I'd have to kick him out. Maybe later we could get up a petition to get the Cricket Family run out of town. Bye, Cricket Boy.
-- Jack Handey

Quote of the Day

Blow ye winds, like the trumpet blows, but without that noise.
-- Jack Handey

Quote of the Day

See these? American donuts. Glazed, powdered, and raspberry-filled. Now, how's that for freedom of choice.
-- Homer J. Simpson