- Make up fake acronyms. Online veterans like to use abbreviations like IMHO (in my humble pinion) or RTFM(read the fucking manual) to show that they're "hep" to the lingo. Make up your own that don't stand for anything (SETO, BARL, CP30), use them liberally, and then refuse to explainwhat they stand for ("You don't know that? RTFM").
- WRITE YOUR MESSAGES IN ALL CAPS AND DON'T USE RETURNS SO THAT EVERYONE HAS TO SCROLL ACROSS THEIR SCREENS TO READ EVERY LINE. ALSO USE A LOT OF !!!!! TO SHOW THAT YOU'RE EXCITED ABOUT BEING HERE!
- When replying to your mail, correct everyone's grammar and spelling and point out their typos, but don't otherwise respond to the content of their messages. when they respond testily to your "creative criticism," do it again. Continue until they go away.
- Software and files offered online are often "compressed" so that they won't take so long to travel over the phone lines. Buy a compression program and compress everything you send, including one-word e-mail responses like "Thanks."
- Upload text files with Bible passages about sin or guilt and give them names like "SexyHousewivesI," then see how many people download it. Challenge your friends to come up with the most popular come-ons.
- Join a discussion group and tie whatever's being discussed back to an unrelated central theme. For instance, if you're in a discussion of gun control, respond to every message with the observation that those genetically superior tomatoes seem to have played an important role. Within days, all discussion of gun control will have ceased as people write you threatening messages and instruct others to ignore you.
Sunday, February 05, 2006
How to be Annoying Online
Quote of the Day
Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else - and it hasn't - it's that girls should stick to girls' sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.
-- Homer J. Simpson
Saturday, February 04, 2006
Friday, February 03, 2006
Rachael Ray Drinking Game
| Sayings: | |
| "EVOO" | 1 drink |
| "Sammie" | 1 drink |
| "Healthful" | 1 drink |
| "Stoup" | 2 drinks |
| "GB" | 2 drinks |
| "Spoonula" | 2 drinks |
| "Fry-o-lator" | 3 drinks |
| any of the above followed by an explanation of what it stands for | +1 drink |
| "Yummo" | 1 drink |
| "Delish!" | 1 drink |
| "Awesome" | 1 drink |
| "How _____ is that?" | 1 drink |
| creates an all-new and completely unnecessary abbreviation | whole drink |
| "Garbage Bowl" | 1 drink |
| "Garbage Bowl" as a verb | 3 drinks |
| Presentation: | |
| repeats herself | 1 drink |
| talks for so long without taking a breath that she nearly runs out of air | 2 drinks |
| makes an awkward, spastic gesture with her arm | 2 drinks |
| voice cracks | 2 drinks |
| forces a laugh at something not funny | 2 drinks |
| mispronounces "foreign" words such as "paprika" or "tapas" | 2 drinks |
| is visibly flustered | 3 drinks |
| Cooking: | |
| comes back from refrigerator carrying too many ingredients | 2 drinks |
| drops something on her way back | whole drink |
| fails to provide a measurement and tells you to "eyeball it" | 1 drink |
| provides an obviously wrong measurement, e.g. "about a tablespoon" while she dumps in a half-cup of something | 2 drinks |
| uses a "secret ingredient" | 2 drinks |
| the "secret ingredient" is nutmeg | 3 drinks |
| mentions "the thing that makes you go Hmmm" | 1 drink |
| "the thing that makes you go Hmmm" is nutmeg | 3 drinks |
| creates a "healthful" meal that clearly contains over 50g of fat | 2 drinks |
| makes a "gourmet" dish out of cheap ingredients (e.g. Tiramisu with nilla wafers and whipped cream) | 3 drinks |
| expresses how good something tastes while she's still lifting fork to her mouth | 2 drinks |
| takes such a big mouthful of something it takes several seconds before she can talk again | 2 drinks |
| ruins something and tries to play it off as no big deal | 3 drinks |
| Travelling: | |
| leaves a crappy tip | 2 drinks |
| rudely shoves her nose in something to smell it | 2 drinks |
| claims a dessert by itself is somehow a legitimate lunch or dinner | 2 drinks |
| wears anything midriff-revealing | 3 drinks |
Quote of the Day
This restaurant was advertising breakfast any time. So I ordered french toast in the renaissance.
-- Stephen Wright
Thursday, February 02, 2006
Quote of the Day
When people learn no tools of judgment and merely follow their hopes, the seeds of political manipulation are sown.
-- Stephen Jay Gould
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Quote of the Day
Alone! I'm alone! I'm a lonely, insignificant speck on a has-been planet orbited by a cold, indifferent sun!
-- Homer J. Simpson
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